Answering Your Questions 👀
how to deal with loneliness, my favorite books, my *real* thoughts on substack so far, and more...
Hiii, happy Wednesday! Today I’m doing an extended Q+A answering a few longer questions from Instagram last week including:
How to deal with loneliness
My favorite books of all time
Some of my *real* thoughts on launching a Substack
and more
Let’s dive on in!
Okay so I’m TERRIBLE at picking favorite anything. I’ll say like 10 different Broadway shows are my favorite show of all timeeeee.
Right now I’d say my top 3 books are:
The Idea of You by Robinne Lee
One Day by Josie Silver
Summer Sisters by Judy Blume
But honestly, even choosing just three feels… wrong!? I don’t know, I’m overthinking it.
It feels a bit meta to talk about Substack *on* Substack but here we gooo!
For context: I first started blogging in 2011 and maintained my old blog, Kayla in the City, until recently. As time went on something about my blog felt less and less “right.”
In 2022 my blog was hacked and a lot of posts got updated with annoying spam links. I had to turn off comments as I had a bit of a trolling issue. It felt like I was constantly pouring money into the blog to get something fixed. It just no longer felt like a corner of the internet where I wanted to put my energy.
Starting fresh here has been really great for me. I launched in October and told myself it was an experiment to get back in the swing of writing longer-form content. If I liked it, I’d keep going. If not — cool! We tried.
It’s now 6 months later. I recently pivoted my approach to content and changed the name to SILLY LITTLE THINGS and it’s felt really *right* and like I’m onto something.
Substack has been super easy to use — I was able to get everything up and running in a day. All the tools I need are already here. And it’s also totally free for me to run whereas I felt like I was always dishing out money for something on the blog.
This brings me to the next question…
I think it ultimately depends on your goal and your *why* behind starting something.
I never thought I’d say this but right now I think Substack is the way to go unless you already have an established blog. Getting things up and running is super easy. You don’t have to invest in design or a domain to get started. You can monetize right away by turning on paid subscriptions. There are lots of features to engage your audience.
I’ve seen a lot of bloggers add Substack to their plate recently and think it makes sense. In many ways, it feels like the early days of blogging.
I’d say the pro of a blog is that it’s more customizable and you can have your content organized a bit more. As time goes on I’ll probably be annoyed trying to find an old post in my Substack archive whereas my old blog is easy to search and has a bunch of categories I can sift through.
You also have ownership over your website, although the great thing about Substack is it collects emails.
All this rambling is to say, I’d probably recommend Substack right now. The great thing is it’s pretty low risk to get started. Try it out! See how you like it!
When I’m in a reading slump I’ll do one of a few things
I’ll reread a book I already know I love. Sometimes I just need to get back into the habit of reading and then it feels routine again.
I’ll read a book that I have a feeling I’ll absolutely love. Maybe it’s an author I already love. Or that book I keep seeing on TikTok. I’ll pick up something buzzy that feels like a guarantee hit.
I’ll read something short or pace-y. I’m not a big Thriller reader, but I will read a YA Thriller to beat a reading slump or cure a reading hangover. Something about the suspense keeps me invested
I’ll be doing more content around summer books soon (!!) but a few all-time favorites to share now:
Every Summer After by Carley Fortune
28 Summers by Elin Hilderbrand
The Summer I Turned Pretty series by Jenny Han
Summer Sisters by Judy Blume
On the Island by Tracey Garvis Graves
The Counselors by Jessica Goodman
I’ve thought a lot about why I love this book so much, why I’ve been able to reread it so many times, and why it’s still stuck with me four years later. Here’s what I’ve come up with:
The lead character is *not* a damsel in distress. She’s smart, she’s successful, and she doesn’t need to be saved by a guy.
The book celebrates women and especially women over 40.
The book is not overly cutesy or saccharine. It’s binge-able but the writing feels elevated with zero cringe.
It feels very real, even though the fantasy of capturing the heart of a famous pop star seems like pure fantasy.
On that note… it tapped into this very specific feeling of having a celebrity crush. Like, it gives me the same feeling I used to get after seeing an Aaron Carter concert when I’d just have the biggest crush on him after, even though the guy had no clue who I was.
I read it in March 2020 when everything really really sucked and getting obsessed with this book was a fun place to put my energy. The lead guy is vaguely based on Harry Styles (and a bunch of other people!) so I used this book to fuel a new-found obsession with Harry and One Direction. This obsession kind of kept me going during the worst of 2020.
I think for me something helpful has been reframing my loneliness and looking at it more as “alone time” where I get to do what I want.
I’ve really worked on cultivating a relationship with myself where I’m excited to spend time alone. Like I truly love nothing more than a Saturday night without plans because it means I get to order delivery from where I want, take a long bath with a book, and be all cozy in pajamas by 10PM.
If I’m feeling particularly lonely I’ll use it as a cue to reach out to someone. Maybe I’ll call my grandma to say hi. Text a friend I haven’t caught up with in a while. Make the extra effort to make plans with someone for dinner this week.
In this post I chat a lot about other little things I started doing last year to feel less lonely and build up community around me.
And last but not least… I remind myself that this feeling isn’t forever. Sometimes in the moment it is super intense, but usually the next morning I wake up feeling different.
That’s all for today. See you Friday for The Weekend Itinerary.
Kayla
I am fairly new to Substack but like you I also had a blog for many years that I let go. I am finding Substack very blog-like on a MUCH easier scale. Given its on a platform, it so much easier to find and connect with readers and writers. It feels like the right place to be.